“I hate myself. I hate my body, I hate my face, I hate everything about myself. Nobody likes me. I’m not worth it. I’m not beautiful like her. I don’t have that perfect body of hers. I’m not her. I’ll never be as beautiful as she is. Her life is perfect. She has the perfect family, boyfriend and she looks flawless. I’m a failure. I can’t finish anything. I’m fat. I look ugly. I don’t have friends. Nobody listens to me. My family hates me. I’m nobody and I have nothing.”
Is this familiar to you? Have you ever thought of yourself as a complete failure, always looking for negative things, especially about yourself? Welcome to the club. I used to be one of them too. It’s sad that so many girls and women, even men, feel like that and don’t love themselves for what they really are. Why am I even writing about this topic today? Well, besides starting #YearOfYou this year, I’ve came across one page in my Instant happy journal the other day and it said: Ban, delete, shred, obliterate the words “I’M NOT GOOD ENOUGH.” And then the task was to write these words down and cross them out. And that was the moment when I realized that I should write another self-love post.
When I was younger, I’ve always compared myself to others, especially to those perfect girls, who always had everything. I was not beautiful, I was overweighted, I had acne, I didn’t have a boyfriend – I was everything else than some type of a girl who would’ve reached society’s standards. All those insecurities and not fitting in, made me really unconfident and I became very insecure with myself. Of course, there were also other consequences, but I won’t write about them. And even now, 10 or more years later, everything is the same – girls in primary school are being obsessed with their looks and behaviour just to fit those standars. That means that literally nothing changed in last 10 years. And that’s because the world is spinning with the same mentality for the last 10 years: we should look a certain way, we should think the certain way, we should do the things certain way. Isn’t it crazy?
Girl, love yourself! First of all, opinion of others is not important. Who cares what a guy you’ve never spoken to, thinks about you? It doesn’t matter. Who cares what a schoolmate, who always criticizes, thinks about you? It doesn’t matter. It’s not important what anybody thinks about you, but it’s very important what YOU think about yourself. You are the only person that matters. You are the only person you’ll spend the whole life with. It’s similar to dating somebody. You are with somebody, because you like his/her appearance and his/her personality, the combination of both. And it’s exactly the same with yourself. You’re gonna date yourself for your whole life – how can you date yourself, if you don’t love yourself? Do you see what I’m trying to tell you? Loving yourself is the key to happier you and your life.
Second thing I want to talk about, is how to even love yourself. Well, I don’t have the solution, because loving yourself can’t happen over night. Changing your mind from hate to love is a result of small efforts that you do every day, for months, for a year. Loving yourself is actually a process for life. It never ends, because you can always love yourself just a little bit more. But I can tell you what helped me. One of the things I started practicing was definitely journaling. I started writing my gratitude journal and every evening, I wrote positive things of the day. Even though it is not directly connected with loving yourself, it helps so much. It improves your self-esteem and your life as well. I also started doing the things I was always afraid of, because when you step out of your comfort zone, you actually improve. For example, I’ve never liked talking to people, especially the ones I didn’t know. But I stepped out of my comfort zone and talking to different people actually boosted my confidence. I also started listening to different motivational videos and reading books, which helped me as well. One of the things I did, was removing negative people from my life. Why? Not that they always talked negativly and were always in a bad mood, those were the people that usually brought me down and it had a really bad influence on my confidence. I fullfilled my life with positive and happy people, who helped me improve myself every single day. There are also smaller things I’ve started doing, especially those ones that I’ve always wanted to do, such as going to the gym or started running again.
There is no right or wrong way to start loving yourself, but it all depends on you. Once you start practicing different things and include different approaches to your day, you’ll start seeing results. As I said, it doesn’t happen overnight, but if you work on yourself every day, you’ll get where you want to be. I’m working on myself for over a year now and I’ve improved a lot, but I still have a long road to go. But I’m looking forward to it.
When you love yourself enough, accept your flaws and weakness as well as your talents, you’ll be able to truly love others. Once you accept yourself, everybody else will see it as well, especially in your energy and confidence. Just do it and own your whole world!
“I love myself. I love my body, I love my face, I love everything about myself. I am loved. The right people love me. I am beautiful and I will never be like her, because I am unique in my own way. My life is not perfect, but it is exactly like it was meant to be. I’m not a failure. I can do whatever I set my mind to. I’m pretty amazing as well. I have friends that love me, care for me and respect me. I am me. And I love it.”
Until next time,