“Always be yourself, express yourself, have faith in yourself, do not go out and try and look for a successful personality and duplicate it.” Amazing quote from world-known Bruce Lee. It’s something I would’ve said right now, but not a year ago or more. Saying my own opinion was everything else than it should’ve been – frustration, overthinking and stress. I know it sounds crazy, but believe me, I’m not the only one. There are thousands of girls (and men) in the world, who are afraid to tell their opinion and express themselves in a full meaning of a word.
On Monday I was reading daily mantra from Find your happy and the one I read was titled as ‘I share my insights openly with others’. The first thing I wrote down was: ‘Yey, probably the most needed mantra today. Uff, this is really the hardest thing for me – expressing myself and my opinion.’ If you know me personally or just over the social media, you would’ve said that I’m lying. Why? Because my posts are all about expressing my feelings and even writing this blog is all about saying my own opinion. And you are right. This is me, now. But years ago I was a totally different person and besides all the things I’ve already covered in my previous posts, expressing my own opinion is the hardest among them. I’ve never liked showing my feelings or my ideas, because I was always afraid of people’s response, usually the negative one. I was literally afraid to say opinion about anything. I was always the one patiently listening, but never saying much. Isn’t it so said that someone is afraid to tell their opinion? To me, it is.
Even now, when I overcame that fear, it’s terrifying, because I have that mindset somewhere in my brains and every time I have or want to say what I think, it comes up. People ask me, why I don’t express my opinion even more than what I already do, but it’s hard to explain to them, because they don’t have the same problem as I do. We all have some problems or traumas from the times we were growing up and that’s okay. In my case, it was this one and I’m not ashamed of it. When I started working on myself last year, it was number 1 on my list of the things I wanted to change. At the end, I didn’t change it, I only improved it. And I will keep improving it, until I feel so comfortable expressing my opinion that I won’t believe, how was that skill of mine, even my biggest problem for 20 years of my life.
I think that this fear comes from the way I was raised up and especially from the way people treated me for years. I was always the one who helped others and wanted to please everybody, in order to be accepted in the society. But I gained the opposite effect – people used me even more. So, when I talked to them, I didn’t want to express my true opinion, because I knew they wouldn’t appreciate it, but on the other hand, I didn’t want to lie or just make something up – so, I didn’t say anything. Don’t get me wrong, there was a handful of those, who were always there for me and I’m thankful for them, but the majority of the people I socialized with, were not the ones I felt comfortable with.
And this leads to another subject: always stay honest with yourself. When you have a problem or weakness that you want to improve, the first step to improvement is admitting it to yourself. Notice: to yourself, not to others. You don’t need others approval to better yourself, just yours. It’s hard to even come to the point of admitting something to yourself, because the truth usually hurts. When you get honest with yourself and admit it, you are ready to improve. I know it’s easier to ‘hide your eyes from the truth’, but if you want to progress and better yourself, accepting the truth is definitely the first step. And then you’re ready to move on and progress. Give yourself some hard time – sit down and think about your advantages and disadvantages and where you want to progress. And then, just do it. It takes time to improve your weaknesses, but if you work on it on daily basis, believe me, you’ll get there.
Fear of speaking up. Fear of expressing your true self. Fear of telling your own opinion. In Year of you group (a group where girls from all over the world, want to become the best version of themselves), I got a feeling that so many girls have problems with sharing their thoughts and ideas with the world, because people will judge them. You know what? It’s better to be your true self and stand alone than to think what everybody else thinks about you. Always express yourself and be proud of yourself and your ideas. If you are worried how other people will react, you are not spending time with those who would appreciate it. In that case, you should change those people for the ones you trust and feel comfortable to talk about anything.
I know this post is one of those, where I’m brutally honest about my past, but I know some of you, my readers, will find yourself in my words. It takes a lot of courage and constant work on yourself in order to improve and become better, but all the work pays off. I know that without that fear of speaking and expressing my opinion, I would’ve already tried so many new things and had more courage to pursue my dreams, but it kind of made me who I am today and I know that with progressing even more, I will get even further.
Until next time,