I’m following one girl from America for over two years now. She is making Youtube videos and they are all about positivity, happiness and self-love. About 2 days ago, I was watching her on Snapchat and she was basically talking about making other people happy. She was getting some negative comments and critics and she didn’t understand why, because she’s always trying to help and inspire others and she just wants that every single person would be happy. And I actually understand her 100%, because I expect that everybody would be like me and help and care about others. But the reality is that not everybody is like me or in that case, like her.
You can’t make everybody happy (so, stop doing it). You cannot be everybody’s best friend, mentor, companion, soulmate, lover, feedback giver, yoga buddy or movie date. It’s impossible. Why? Because not everyone will like you and you won’t like everyone. You can wish happiness for everybody, but being in the position to make them happy… that’s no-win situation.
I already wrote about that, but I used to be a people pleaser: I always helped them, listened to them, was nice to them. And I still am, because that is who I am and I can’t act like it’s not a part of me. But there is a huge difference between helping others and being a pleaser to everyone. Being a people pleaser means that you are always, and I really mean always, available for people. You try to do everything for them and it’s not important if you like that person or not. You usually help them, because you want some kind of proof that you’re doing amazing job or because you don’t want to disappoint them. But what’s usually forgotten, it’s YOU. You don’t take care of yourself, you don’t love and respect yourself enough and you allow people to treat you the same way. Consequently you create a world in which you place your well-being and your destiny in the hands of others. On the other hand, helping people means helping them, because you truly want and you don’t expect anything in return. Before having anything to offer anyone else, you have to give it to yourself. You have to learn to be selfish sometimes and say ‘NO’ to others – it’s a sign of self-care and it is acceptable. We all come to that point in our lives, because we cannot keep pleasing everyone all the time and not take care for ourselves as well. You have to learn to say ‘NO’ to people and not feel bad/mean/awful person about it.
I personally had a really tough time transitioning from a pleaser to a helper. I was worrying so much what would people think about me and everytime I said ‘NO’ to someone, I had a feeling that I dissappointed them. Yes, some were not probably happy about it, but there will always be someone, who won’t like what you’re doing or won’t like something about you in general. But, on the bright side, there are many people who love you, who trust you, who care for you, regardless of what you are doing and believe me, that counts a lot more than all the critics.
The only person you need to make happy is YOU. And when you are happy, then share your happiness with others. Your happiness is no one else’s responsibility, but yours. And just like you have to take care of your happiness, so need everybody else take care of their happiness. You can’t make someone ‘happy’ is he/she is not willing to change. You can try thousand times, but you won’t change anything. Happiness is a really fragile thing and it’s on us to make us happy. It’s hard, believe me, but it’s not impossible.
I love helping people and anybody who knows me, can confirm it. And I never expect anything in return – that’s the real magic of it. I think that you must learn to recognize when people need your help and when they simply want it (make sure that you aren’t taken advantage of). I won’t write about toxic people, because I did in one of my previous posts, so read it there. But, in order to be happy, you sometimes have to remove those kinds of people from your life and sometimes it won’t be easy, especially if those are your closest friends or family.
I distanced myself from the main theme again (nothing uncommon, right?), but here is a question for you: ‘How much time do you spend caring about others people’s needs before you pay mind to your own?’ It’s funny and sad at the same time that we rack our brains so much about everybody else, when the reality is that we should take care of ourselves first. I love this quote: “Trying to please everyone is a recipe for stress, misery and frustration. Be yourself. It will be good to see who is down for that.” And it’s true. You can’t please others, even more, you can’t make everybody happy. And that’s totally fine. It’s not your responsibility to ‘bring’ happiness in their life. But definitely make sure that you become happy at some point in life. The fact is that you won’t become happy in a day or two and you won’t be happy all the time – you can’t be. It’s a long proccess, but when you reach that state, when you can proudly say that you are happy, you will feel
amazing. Happiness is a combination of what you love to do, who surrounds you and especially how you feel about yourself. And that’s why it’s not as easy as it sounds to become happy, because you have to balance all those different aspects of life.
One more thought for the end. Think of the things you love to do and start doing them. Think of all the people that love you, support you, care for you, help you, are always there for you, and be grateful for them. Be grateful every single day, because we take things for granted and what you have and seems so ordinary, can mean a world to somebody else. Just appreciate everything in your life and be HAPPY.
Until next time,