We’ve all come to at least one person in our life that just sucked all of our energy and dusted us with their ‘poison’. It can be your colleague, friend, difficult neighbour, even a family member. They are literally everywhere around you and they just wait to make a chaos in your life. It’s really important that you recognize those people quickly and distance yourself from them, because it’s harmful for your health, especially mental.
I’ve had some harmful relationships in the past and I didn’t know that they were making damage to me and my life until I started working on myself and realizing who my true friends are. When you are in that relationship, whether it’s a relationship with a co-worker, friend, family member, boyfriend/girlfriend or marriage, you usually don’t see it, because you trust him/her and care about that person. And you are probably the last person to see the real point of view. I’ve come to the point in my life, where I didn’t care for myself anymore and everything I did, I did for others, because I wanted to be kind, helpful and didn’t want to dissapoint anybody. I wasn’t confident and I never told my opinion about anything, because I had a feeling that everything I would have said, would be wrong. And that was the ideal opportunity for others to use me and my ‘kind heart’. It took me a long time, and I mean really long time, to realize what a numbskull I actually was. But as I said, you don’t know until you realize and look back.
When I finally realized that, I ‘changed’ as people usually say. But the reality is that I just found myself. I grew up. I woke up. I became 100% myself. And I’m proud of that. When I see that people try to manipulate me or take an advantage of me, I usually recognize them and their intentions and I distance myself from them, because I don’t need that kind of people in my life and neither do you.
The first step towards removing toxic people from your life is recognizing those type of people around you. You can’t change what they do, but you can change what you do with it. There are a lot of things toxic people actually do and those things can make you realize who is there just to play you and who is there to be your real friend.
First thing that toxic people do is that they always judge. They judge everything about you, what you’ve done and what you didn’t do. No matter what you do or say, they will always find a way to put you down. Another thing is that they almost never apologize for their behaviour. They don’t see any reason to, because things are always someone else’s fault. You know, people don’t have to apologize to be wrong. And you don’t need an apology to move forward. Just move forward without them. If they are not healthy for you, why not?
Toxic people manipulate a lot, even though you don’t see it. It’s always about them and they use other people to accomplish whatever their goal happens to be. And as I said, they usually target kind-hearted people, who always try to please them. Decent people will go to extraordinary lengths to keep the people they care about, happy, even though those people are not good for them. Stop trying to please them! You don’t owe anybody anything. And don’t prove anything to them – you don’t have to explain, justify or defend yourself.
There is always option that when you remove yourself from toxic people, that they will try to show your friends that you are a bad person and consequently your friends will turn against you. But, if they are true friends and they care about you, they won’t believe a word they’re saying. But believe me, it’s better to stand alone than having fake friends around you.
One last thing about toxic people. They aren’t caring, supportive or interested in what’s important to you. They only call or invite you, when they need you, but when you need their help, they forget about you. All good things that happen to you, just move the attention away from them. They don’t care about your happiness and success. If your success has something to do with them, then they are happy or at least they fake it well, otherwise they don’t care about it at all.
Some people can’t be pleased and some people won’t be great for you. You can always say no to unnecessary drama. Be confident and accept all your flaws and the things that make you shine. You don’t need anyone’s approval, but remember: if someone is working hard to manipulate, it’s because they probably need yours.
Dealing with someone toxic can be difficult and draining; it may challenge what you know about yourself and push you to your limits. And that’s why it’s important that you recognize those people as soon as possible and protect yourself from them. Letting toxic people go is not an act of cruelty, it’s an act of self-care. And you should always put yourself and your health first.
Relationships are complex; many relationships, especially familiar ones, are more difficult, because it’s not easy to close the door and say goodbye. But the bottom line is that if you feel bad about yourself as a result of a relationship with another person, you need to think if that person/relationship is worth it. You can never change another person, if he/she is not willing to change itself. But you can always change yourself or as I rather say, you can always change the direction in which you’re going. You can always find yourself and what you want in life and if toxic people are not in your plan, let them go. It’s not easy, but it’s worth it.
I found one really amazing quote on the internet the other day from the unknown author and it literally sums up everything I wrote you today: “You are allowed to terminate toxic relationships. You are allowed to walk away from people who hurt you. You are allowed to be angry and selfish and unforgiving. You don’t owe anyone an explanation for taking care of yourself.” Life is too short to spend it like others want you to spend it. Live your life like you want it, remove people who want to hurt you and be yourself, do things for yourself and take care of yourself.
Until next time,